This just in from the guest blogger:
WAKI LEAKS RELEASES TRANSCRIPT OF RAHMS’ ‘PROGRESS REPORT’ TO U.S. CHAMBER BOSS
DATELINE CHICAGO…….
The government transparency organization known as Waki Leaks today released a secretly recorded meeting of Mayor Emanual giving a “progress report” to the head of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce – whom the Mayor referred to as “Boss’ throughout their meeting.
Mayor: Welcome to my office, Boss. Is there anything I can get for you?
Boss: My Bentley is double-parked out front and low on fuel. Have someone refuel it during our meeting.
Mayor: Right away, Boss. I’ll have a tanker truck stop by and top off the tank.
Boss: We can begin with school reform. Are we any closer to busting that god damn union?
Mayor: We think we are sir. I ordered my superintendent to use bribery as a way to pick off schools from the union. CEO Brizard loved my idea. It was how we got him to leave his last job in New York, even though he had just re-upped his contract. Naked greed; it works every time.
Boss: Excellent. So everything is going according to plan?
Mayor: There is one problem, boss. I’m really having a hard time explaining away my decision to send my own kids to an elitist school. Do you have any suggestions?
Boss: Well, the obvious answer is that you too are elitist. Nothing to be ashamed of - But the idiots who elected you actually fell for the man-of-the-people-ruse we plotted for the campaign. I think it is too soon to completely drop it. So we need to spin your sending your school choice the way Daley handled his wife’s’ long illness. Remember how we got the media to shift the spotlight away from hundreds of thousands of Chicagoans going without health insurance during the health care debate last year? We simply had the media turn their spotlight on Maggie getting the best health care in the world. The media loved it. They cheered for her while hospitals were closing all across town. We’ll bribe the media into seeing things our way when it comes to where your kids go to school. Trust me, any do-good reporter who dares to raise the subject will be dealt with. When I get through with them, this town will be cheering your choice of school for your kid. What else do you have to report?
Mayor: My staff has a blueprint on your order to privatize our water system. It calls for the city to sell it, lock, stock, and barrel, to a private firm. The winning bid would transfer the most cash into our offshore accounts, of course. We schemed a way to squeeze maximum profit by skipping the purification process altogether.
Boss: Well of course you skip the purification process. Duh. That’s why we sell it big blue transparent bottles. I came up with that idea years ago. It’s how I got my start with the Chamber. They hired me away from private water. They knew talent when they saw it. What else you got?
Mayor: Great idea, Boss. Regarding your order to privatize Cook County Jail – That is a big project. It will take time.
Boss: You have to think out of the box kid. One way is to overflow CCJ so much that the County is forced to build a new jail. Since the County is even more broke than the City, the county will put a new jail facility to be bid for by the private sector. You can help out by, for example, locking up people who fall behind in water bill payments. That dovetails right in to our water plan.
Mayor: You are on a roll boss.
Boss: Don’t suck up to me. Just get working on our agenda.
ha! good job. Maybe Rahm will give you one of his new communications internships and you can become a member of his 3004 staff member public relations team.
ReplyDeleteRahm Emanuel creeps me out.
ReplyDeleteWe all are taken advantage of whenever the City sells to the private sector. It is theft from all of us. You don't have to park on the street at a meter box. You don't have to use a city owned privately managed garage. You can avoid the privately leased Skyway. You need water. Whoever sells the water system and whoever buys the water system will be stealing from all of us with both hands.
ReplyDelete